Confidence and the writer, continued

I am not the only person that has confidence on her mind right now. (Click here for my recent post on this subject.)

J.A. Konrath, author of police thrillers, has a somewhat provocative post on this subject, called "I'm Better Than You". You might enjoy the comment trail, as there's a bit of dissension among the ranks. While I do get his point, I also think he's overstating the issue. I don't have to think I'm the best to feel confident enough to persevere. I do have to think that I'm pretty good, mind you, but I can sincerely think that somebody else writes better than I do, and still feel I can produce quality work. There's a lot of room out there, and I don't have to feel that I'm at the top of the heap to believe I have a place on that heap. Mind you, I want to get as high as I possibly can, not for bragging rights, but just because I love good work. My second response to a really good book, after "wow", is "what can I learn from this?"

J.A. does believe in a lot of hard work, both to improve your craft and to market your work, so he's not one of these starry-eyed types who thinks that merely believing will make it so. He just thinks that believing will help keep you motivated to put in the necessary work.

Editor Alan Rinzler also addresses the question of how authors can keep their confidence up, but in his case he is proposing concrete measures to take to keep your morale afloat.

Most of this has applications to a lot of people other than writers. But since writers work mainly in solitude, with no physical audience to provide immediate feedback, they have to be a lot more pro-active in maintaining a positive mindset.


Technorati tags: Confidence, J.A. Konrath, Alan Rinzler

Confidence vs. humility

Almost everybody struggles to some degree with achieving the balance between confidence and humility (although the latter is less fashionable than it used to be). Confidence tips so easily into into arrogance, presumption, and even delusion. If you doubt this, watch the early episodes of American Idol, any season. We all know how charming an arrogant jerk with an over-developed sense of entitlement is. There are few things more satisfying in life than watching him do a face-plant in the muck.

On the other hand, humility can tilt into discouragement, self-abasement, and even self-loathing. Misguided religious types have often failed to make this distinction and presented such unpretty things as an ideal to aspire to. Well, no. There is a world of difference between unworthy and worthless. Whiny self-hatred is not only unattractive, it's pretty much a guarantee of uselessness.

The sweet point in the middle of all this is evaluating yourself realistically, which is admittedly rather difficult. It's particularly difficult if you want to be a writer.

Why is that, you ask? (OK, so you didn't ask, but humour me a minute. I appreciate it.)

Because for every open spot on a publisher's list, there are probably at least 100 completed manuscripts out there, trying to elbow their way into position. Those are intimidating odds. That means if you're writing, and you have any serious hopes at all of being published, you have to believe somewhere deep inside you, that you are better than 99% of your fellow aspirants (all of whom believe the same thing). That's got to be something close to hubris. And in most cases, delusional hubris.

Of course, a lot of them are unaware of the odds, so if they're talented, they toil in blissful ignorance, and if not, they live in a fool's paradise. The rest of us, well, we keep teeter-tottering between the feeling that we can actually do this and the opposite feeling that we are out of our minds. We can easily go through the cycle from elation to despair and back again several times in one day.

It gets better. Almost every successful author went through a string of rejections before hitting paydirt. So even if publishing professionals keep saying "thanks, but no thanks" that doesn't necessarily mean you don't have what it takes. Perseverance becomes a necessary part of the equation. But wait a minute, isn't the definition of insanity repeating an action and expecting a different result?

Maybe you have to be insane to aspire to authordom.

So, writer or not, how do you find the sweet spot where confidence and humility are in perfect balance?


Technorati tags: Confidence, Humility, Balance

Changing generations

It was the teenagers who told me that I had crossed over. Not with words. It was the way they looked at me. I still thought of them as younger brothers and sisters, but it was clear that they saw me now as a "them" not an "us". With three children, I was definitely on the side of the parents.

It took me a long time to get used to it. I thought of myself as a young person who had acquired some children, but no. I had been booted up a generational bracket, whether I accepted it or not. My life was full of mini-vans and diapers and parent-teacher meetings.

Now it's happening again. No, I am not announcing the arrival or even the future arrival of any grandchildren. But whether I like it or not, I am slowly being eased up another generational bracket. My nest is empty (although one fledgling is contemplating a return), my hair is grey, my waistline is, um, ample, and I'm handing out unsolicited advice. All the symptoms are there. Actual grandchildren will only be the confirmation.

And really, I'm not sure I'm ready. Life expectancies being what they are nowadays, there are a lot of people up in the fourth generational bracket, which means there are still a lot of people I consider old codgers, even as the generation below me considers me an old codger, and they - though they probably don't quite realize it - are considered kind of old themselves by the generation below. It's positively dizzying.

I think I'll go cry on my mother's shoulder.


Technorati tags: Getting older

Skeleton in the Closet

I wrote some time back about stick-thin models and the pressures upon them to conform to a morbidly unhealthy body ideal. But it is not only models and not only women who fall victim to the distorted thinking that leads to eating disorders and other forms of self-mutilation. Photographer Fritz Liedtke experienced it to a degree as a young man and has now mounted an exhibit, Skeleton in the Closet, dealing with the issue through photos and accompanying text.

From Jeffrey Overstreet's interview with Liedtke:

One of the surprising things about people struggling with eating disorders is that, often times, they believe so thoroughly in what they are telling themselves (that I’m fat, ugly, unworthy of love, need drugs to keep going), that nothing you can say will help them. They won’t hear you. I’ve sat face to face with these beautiful people who were headed for death, and could do little more than listen. Of course, my role as an artist and photojournalist was to listen and tell their story, not be their counselor. But the depth to which we are able, as humans, to deceive ourselves, is quite surprising sometimes.

Another thing I found interesting in the interview process was how much people would share with me. I would sit there and ask questions and listen, and people would start telling me things that they hadn’t told anyone else, not even their spouses. I felt like a priest in a confessional. Obviously, they wanted to get things off their chest (with some encouragement from me), and I was honored to be able to listen.

Even a small sampling of the pictures had me fighting tears. They are eloquent and disturbing.

You can find Jeffrey Overstreet's complete interview with Liedtke at The Eagle and Child.

Technorati tags: Anorexia, Bulimia, Eating disorders, Fritz Liedtke

Gleanings from the blogosphere, Oct. 5

Jared at Total Depravity is thoroughly worked up about a vital issue of male - er - human rights...

I generally try to avoid getting involved in the heady realm of Norwegian politics, but an issue has arisen which has serious, far-reaching implications for fathers, our sons, and the very soul of manhood.

At Donklephant, Justin Gardner and his commenters are debating the status of waterboarding - and both sides have some pretty powerful arguments.


John Burgess at Crossroads Arabia explains why the 1973 oil embargo will never be repeated.


In case you've missed this, Patterico is doing a series of interviews with an Army mental health specialist who was treating the detainees at Guantanamo. It is absolutely fascinating. Pour yourself a cup of coffee or bookmark the first page; there's a lot of material. Hat tip to Stubborn Facts.

Technorati tags: Guantanamo, Waterboarding

Gleanings from the blogosphere, Oct. 3

I still haven't figured out how the Anchoress manages to sound so passionate and so reasonable at the same time (very rare combination), but she's doing it again with her rant on free speech.

Amba at Ambivablog is citing experiments with Botox that add extra evidence for the theory that your facial expressions affect your mood.

No, not even big brother Egypt can hammer sense into the head of Hamas. Captain Ed at Captain's Quarters comments on Hamas' refusal to accept a prisoner swap for Shalit.

Technorati tags: Botox, Gilad Shalit