The Walrus is angry

This is a rant. A personal, hot-under-the-collar, spitting-indignation rant. I normally try to keep the tone of this blog civil and rational and respectful. Not right now. If these things offend you, you might wish to go elsewhere.

There is a young lady on one of the forums I frequent who is twisting in excruciating pain. Why? Because her husband is not sure he wants to stay married to her. He says he loves her, treats her well in every other regard, but he's not too sure about the commitment thing. Worse yet, this young man is a Christian. Or he says he is.

Man, do I want to take this young fellow and smack him up both sides of the head. Real hard. Grow up, buddy. It's time to stop being a self-absorbed adolescent and start acting like a real man. Guess what? Your life is not all about you and the latest little wind of emotion blowing through you. It's not about your self-fulfillment or your self-realization. Marriage is not about your comfort and meeting your needs. Marriage is about love and commitment and meeting somebody else's needs. You stood up in public and swore, before God and man, to do that very thing.

Have you no self-respect? Would you be willing to stand again in front of the same people who were present at your wedding and say, "Yes, she's a fine woman, and I think highly of her, and I know I promised for better or for worse, but I don't think I feel like it anymore. And I am willing to subject her to searing agony because I don't feel too sure about it anymore. But that's OK, right? It's all about how I feel, right? My ambivalent feelings are more important than her happiness, than my word, than my commitment to God." I dare you. Do it.

I wouldn't treat my worst enemy the way you are treating your wife. You claim to love her, and yet you are torturing her as surely as if you were holding hot irons to her skin. I am beyond disgusted. What you desperately need is somebody to tell you to your face that you are being cruel and selfish and that there is absolutely no excuse for it. This is not a time for sympathy and soft words. Get over yourself and get back home and love your wife.

I just hope you have parents or a pastor or a best friend who will not hold back for fear of seeming uncharitable. Honour your word, honour your commitments, honour your wife. That's the only way you'll get my respect and deep down I'm sure you realize that's what you need to do to find some self-respect too.


Technorati tags: Divorce, Marriage, Commitment

In Praise of Weddings

We have a wedding coming up. While the young couple about to marry is wildly, ecstatically happy about getting married, they keep on moaning that they should have eloped. All the minutiae of wedding planning is driving them crazy, even though they are having a relatively simple, low-key wedding.

I sympathize. But I am glad that they're going through with the hassle and bother anyway. I think it's a very important thing, for them and perhaps even more for the rest of us.

Marriage is undervalued nowadays. It truly is the central institution of a society (perhaps the only institution that is present in every human society in one form or another). And it is a good thing that we take the time to show our solidarity toward anyone committing to it.

There is nothing silly about the tradition of showers, for example. While some of the little games might be, a group of women (and sometimes men) coming together to help set up a new household reminds me of the old barnraisers - a concrete way for the community to lend a hand. There is a group of ladies in our church that think it so important that they show up, presents in hand, to every shower hosted at our church (and it's a big church). And if nobody else does, they'll host the shower themselves. It's a small ministry that most of the church is probably unaware of, but a beautiful one.

The act of physically showing up at the wedding to witness and support the vows is yet another affirmation of their importance. And yes, the gifts too are important, both practically and symbolically.

All the planning and headaches are good for the couple too. It helps cement in their minds that this a major commitment, not to be entered into lightly, and not to be left lightly. So when they moan, I sympathize, smile, and tell them that I'm glad they're doing it anyway. How important it all is might not sink in until they're marrying off their own, but that's OK. Then maybe they will realize that they were doing much more than providing an opportunity for a family get-together.

Technorati tags: Weddings

Gleanings from the blogosphere, Sep. 14

William Weston at the Gruntled Center cites a British study that showed a stark difference in the number of parental break-ups after the birth of a child, depending on the marital status.

Married couples divorcing: 6%
Cohabiting couples breaking up: 32%
"Closely involved" fathers disappearing: 74%

It would appear that marriage is more than a piece of paper... Hat tip to Booker Rising.


Ed Morrissey at Captain's Quarters is talking about how Nasrallah's stock has sunk considerably in Lebanon and the Arab world. I can only hope that he's absolutely right.


Aisha who has taken over for Ali at Eteraz shows herself to be more than up to the task. Today, she meditates on atheism as a religion, the Koran as a historical document or the Word of God and religions as social constructs. I can't say that I agree with everything she says, but she has good things to say and she says them well. And they are well worth meditating on.

Technorati tags: Nasrallah

Gleanings from the blogosphere, Aug. 15

Thomas Sowell has some interesting thoughts on discrimination and gay marriage. He contends that laws exist precisely to discriminate against certain actions. And that the laws on marriage are a restriction of individuals' rights, not an expansion of rights to be aspired to. Some very tight, interesting reasoning here. Hat tip to Booker Rising.

Eteraz makes a plea for a "regular Islam", distinguishing between theological Islam, with which he has no argument, and social Islam, about which he has plenty to say.

Previous post on the topic of Homosexuality

Technorati tags: Marriage, Discrimination, Islam