Wednesday, 6 August 2008

The Walrus is angry

This is a rant. A personal, hot-under-the-collar, spitting-indignation rant. I normally try to keep the tone of this blog civil and rational and respectful. Not right now. If these things offend you, you might wish to go elsewhere.

There is a young lady on one of the forums I frequent who is twisting in excruciating pain. Why? Because her husband is not sure he wants to stay married to her. He says he loves her, treats her well in every other regard, but he's not too sure about the commitment thing. Worse yet, this young man is a Christian. Or he says he is.

Man, do I want to take this young fellow and smack him up both sides of the head. Real hard. Grow up, buddy. It's time to stop being a self-absorbed adolescent and start acting like a real man. Guess what? Your life is not all about you and the latest little wind of emotion blowing through you. It's not about your self-fulfillment or your self-realization. Marriage is not about your comfort and meeting your needs. Marriage is about love and commitment and meeting somebody else's needs. You stood up in public and swore, before God and man, to do that very thing.

Have you no self-respect? Would you be willing to stand again in front of the same people who were present at your wedding and say, "Yes, she's a fine woman, and I think highly of her, and I know I promised for better or for worse, but I don't think I feel like it anymore. And I am willing to subject her to searing agony because I don't feel too sure about it anymore. But that's OK, right? It's all about how I feel, right? My ambivalent feelings are more important than her happiness, than my word, than my commitment to God." I dare you. Do it.

I wouldn't treat my worst enemy the way you are treating your wife. You claim to love her, and yet you are torturing her as surely as if you were holding hot irons to her skin. I am beyond disgusted. What you desperately need is somebody to tell you to your face that you are being cruel and selfish and that there is absolutely no excuse for it. This is not a time for sympathy and soft words. Get over yourself and get back home and love your wife.

I just hope you have parents or a pastor or a best friend who will not hold back for fear of seeming uncharitable. Honour your word, honour your commitments, honour your wife. That's the only way you'll get my respect and deep down I'm sure you realize that's what you need to do to find some self-respect too.


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4 comments:

Janna Qualman said...

Well said, and I agree with everything you said. Too many rush to please themselves, jumping into divorce before remembering the covenant they made. Few uphold marriage anymore.

Dube said...

VERY good post.

I liked this part: "Grow up, buddy. It's time to stop being a self-absorbed adolescent and start acting like a real man. Guess what? Your life is not all about you and the latest little wind of emotion blowing through you."

Hmm... I can think of someone who needs to hear those very words. Several people in fact. And that's just really sad. :(

Janet said...

Thanks, Janna and Dube. I've found it a disturbing trend for quite some time that people seem so eager not to grow up. Adolescence seems to be the worst possible age to stay stuck in, but so many people are desperately trying to do that.

Anyway, seeing as I have no idea who this young man is in real life, I just vented it all here. I hope somebody gives him a similar message.

mark said...

I hope so to, Janet.

 

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